Fat Girls Guide to Life

OK...if we're getting personal...let's get personal. One of the hardest things that I have had to deal with my whole life is being overweight. Chubby. Big boned. It doesn't matter how you say it...I'm fat. I hate when people are scared to use that word. It's just a word, it shouldn't make us all uncomfortable. Anyway the fact is is that this has been a major issue in my life. I wish I was one of those girls who could embrace their "curves" (which now has come to mean that the person is still skinny but has big boobs or normal hips or whatever), but I've never had that personality. Why is it that black women seem to be OK with being fat and white women can't accept it? That is a big generalization...but for the most part you know what I mean. I know that all fat girls don't have the experiences that I have had, but here is what it is like for ME being a fat girl. I spend as much time, or more, as anyone else getting ready and trying to look good only to have guys not even look at me, much else come and talk to me. I get a lot of clothes on sale because there are usually the big sizes left on the clearance racks...jack pot!!! Sadly it's hard for me to feel sexy or feminine because the world makes us think that you are neither if you are overweight. I feel like I need to have this amazing personality because guys aren't going to be interested in me just by my looks. One thing I do like is that people seem to be more relaxed around me and friendly. I think it's because they don't feel threatened by me. Those are just a few of the things I think about all the time.

So I'm pretty sure I have some kind of psychological thing with food. It makes me feel better. If life is sucky at least you can have some chocolate and you will have momentary pleasure. For a long time I thought that if I could just lose a bunch of weight then my life would start. But I gave up on that and decided to start my life anyway. I don't feel like my weight has held me down in the big picture because I've still accomplished most of what I have wanted to do in my life and for that I'm proud of myself. In certain aspects of my life I feel like being skinny would have allowed me to branch out more and do more things, but what can I do about that now? I'm trying to work on accepting myself as I am, but continually trying to better myself...which is a hard line to walk it seems. This entry kind of seems depressing and I didn't mean it to be. It's weird because I want to make fat more acceptable...I want to get ride of the stereotypes...I want to educate people about what it's like to be overweight, but secretly I would love to be skinny :) Life would just be a little easier...I guess life isn't meant to be easy.

ps. By the way...the book The Fat Girls Guide to life is really good and recommend it to everyone, fat and skinny alike :) It makes us fat girls accept our bodies a little more, and I think it just opens everyone else's eyes.