No I'm not talking about Tony Danza here, I'm talking about my life. Most of the time I feel like I have two people living inside me. The person at night who sets my alarm to get up early to work out. And the person who hits snooze 20 times before getting up and running off to work without working out. The person who wants to study for her Esthetics test and get her license. And the person who wants to sit on the couch and watch tv all night. The person who wants to read the Book of Mormon every night. And the tired girl who rolls into bed without reading. Who is the boss? Which one wins? I've been realizing in my life lately it's been the snoozing, tv watching, tired girl who wins. How do I change that? How do you become the person you want to be...instead of the person you are. It seems like a pretty simple thing...just change, right?! Right! Does anyone else have a hard time with this? Is it just will power? Do I just not have any? :) There's a whole different person I know I want to be...but I feel like she's on the other side of a ravine and I can't figure out how to get to her. What and where is the bridge? Why can't I just tell myself that this is the person I want to be, and be that person? I heard a quote recently that said, " You live two lives. The first life you are learning how to live, and the second you are living." I'm still definitely in the "learning how to live" phase of my life. This is one of the things I'm trying to learn, how to appoint a boss, and not two co-owners.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Who's the boss?
No I'm not talking about Tony Danza here, I'm talking about my life. Most of the time I feel like I have two people living inside me. The person at night who sets my alarm to get up early to work out. And the person who hits snooze 20 times before getting up and running off to work without working out. The person who wants to study for her Esthetics test and get her license. And the person who wants to sit on the couch and watch tv all night. The person who wants to read the Book of Mormon every night. And the tired girl who rolls into bed without reading. Who is the boss? Which one wins? I've been realizing in my life lately it's been the snoozing, tv watching, tired girl who wins. How do I change that? How do you become the person you want to be...instead of the person you are. It seems like a pretty simple thing...just change, right?! Right! Does anyone else have a hard time with this? Is it just will power? Do I just not have any? :) There's a whole different person I know I want to be...but I feel like she's on the other side of a ravine and I can't figure out how to get to her. What and where is the bridge? Why can't I just tell myself that this is the person I want to be, and be that person? I heard a quote recently that said, " You live two lives. The first life you are learning how to live, and the second you are living." I'm still definitely in the "learning how to live" phase of my life. This is one of the things I'm trying to learn, how to appoint a boss, and not two co-owners.
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5 comments:
You couldn't have said it better. I feel the exact same way. There is the voice within me that wants to eat healthy and make good decisions, but chooses to have that grilled cheese sandwich with b-q chips with a side of cookies. There is the woman that wants to exercise everyday for 45 minutes and loses out to "too many other things to get done". So another day goes by without any exercise.
I wish I had the answer. But I am, like you, still learning how to live. How to find balance.
I can tell you that when I put the Lord first in my life, all else falls into place. When I pray to have my righetous desires fullfilled, I am a stronger person. Losing weight is a righteous desire, I just learned that in August at Education Week. I did have more strength and more "will power" when I prayed with righteous intent.
I want to be that other person. The one that is strong, exercises, makes good eating choices, reads my scriptures and is a kind, loving mother.
I've said those exact same words to myself everyday for the past 29 years! Well, literally in the past few months I've felt the same way. I'll one up you here though - I even do inappropriate things...often.. that the other side of me is like, "What the H-ll was that about?" and it's not stuff you can take back so it just lives in infamy. Who is this other person in my body and how can I exterminate it for good? On a brighter side note, hope you guys have a great Christmas!!
I feel the same way.
You said it so perfectly. I struggle with that every. single. day. It’s maddening. At the end of the day, I just get so frustrated at all the things I meant to do and didn’t. But what helps is if I think of the things I DID do. I mean, there usually is at least something to be proud of myself for. Heck – you got up and went to work – that’s more than some people get done! So be happy bout that. And you have a cute blog – there’s something to be very proud of yourself for! =)
amen sistah, as soon as you figure it out LET ME KNOW!!! I'm right there with ya!
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